Naturally Occurring Explanations

The following explanations were extracted from conversations between friends and strangers (who were talking about upsetting or confusing life events). Phrases containing "because" were considered, and those that did not signify a behavior explanation were excluded (indicated by because). The three-number code is the F.Ex code; the attached letter indicates actor perspective [a] or observer perspective [o].

Extraction

F.EX Codes

 

 

We just didn’t get along because I felt, like, threatened from him because he was trying to take on a role that already had someone. [There was disagreement over the codability of this partial explanation: one coder argued that the threat feeling was only another effect of the other person's behavior, the other coder maintained that it was a cause of the not-getting-along. Disagreement that can't be settled defaults to noncoding.]

0

I liked living with my dad better just because I got along with him better.

151a

She stayed here cause she didn’t want to leave.

311o

She got pregnant when I was 16 [...] and that was really hard for me because I had been the only child all my life.

118a

That was a really hard time for me because I felt threatened that she was gonna have another child.

114a

It was a confusing time in my life because it was hard for me to deal with having a sister when I was 16 and she was just a baby.

151a

It’s so hard with me because I have certain views on childraising and hers are like just completely opposite. And so it’s really hard for me to go over there and be with them. One, because I didn’t feel like I was part of the family because now it was my mom, her husband, and their daughter. And I was just kind of coming in and out cause I was going back and forth between houses. And so I never felt part of the family, and once Gary went to Kentucky I kind of lost all contact with him.

157a

114a

140a

111a

 

 

Well, there was this one of my aunts and uncles that... like they really wanted me bad. In the beginning I didn’t know. They wanted me... I thought they wanted me because ... I thought they cared or something. But instead, I find out that they just wanted me for my money.

[The last sentence is a codeable explanation.]

114o

Everyone in the family — or in the whole family — thought they’d treat me good since they didn’t have a son, and they wanted a son. But they didn’t.

140o

144o

I was jealous cause there’s these book clubs they ordered books from, everyone had stacks of books, and I had zero...and I was like bitter.

160a

160a

131a

After they had their son — they had a son, like, four years later on — and uh.. it was even worse, cause they treated their son perfect. I mean, they gave him everything. I was kind of jealous too.

141a

Even his kids don’t like him because he’s grouchy and he won’t help others.

145o

145o

 

 

I decided I’d back up cause I thought the rock was going to hit me in the head.

322a

I ran -- well, actually I started walking; I wanted to stay calm -- I started walking to my house to my house cause it just hurt, I didn’t, like, know what was going on really, and I was dizzy.

412a

412a

412a

After that the kid never really liked me I guess cause he had to apologize for having done that.

111o

 

 

I show up and am sitting outside the classroom cause sometimes there’s a final before it. [He likes to show up early for tests.]

422a

 

 

They think I’m harrasing them or something. They, like, drive fast... It happened to me before too... Because I start to say hi to them, I mean, even though I don’t know them, because it’d be kind of rude if you know them and they say hi to you and you don’t say hi or ignore them because you can’t see them.

452a

If I have one class I don’t usually put in contacts because I just go take some notes.

412a

He tells another story, this time about bowling.

 

The machine, it just all cleared, you know. It cleared his score. It’s like, he was really pissed off, because he was doing so good.

111o

 

 

She has a cousin who used to go the UO that she is very close with.

 

It’s sad because you think you want to help.

114a

She was really affected by it... Cause she didn’t understand...you know, it’s like she wants the exact steps you take to solve the problem. But with a person who’s dealing with a mental disorder like that, there’s really no exact steps you can take because some one thing that works for somebody else isn’t going to work for the next person.

114o

114o

120o

 

 

 

 

Upsetting event. His father left his mother and started dating another woman.

 

If he was a stepdad, I wouldn’t care. I’d be like, Whatever! He never would have been there. I never would have known him. Cause he’s my real dad, you know, that’s why it’s such a shock, I guess. Cause you got to cope with, like, your parents. You got to… Your parents are… They’re in us. Whether you want or not, there’s still some… a lot of them in you.

148a

117a

15 a

 

 

The decision to quit swimming was confusing.

 

When I was a senior in high school, I was, like, getting, like, worse at swimming, cause I didn’t wanna go to practice any more cause I would, like, go, you know, spend some, like, four and half hours

111a

I decided not to go there [to Tennesee] because… yeah, because {partner: It’s Tennessee. It sucks…} [laughs] It was just, like, confusing.

422o

412a

It was really confusing because I felt like… that I was gonna, like, waste my whole, you know, life or whatever.

114a

My parents wanted me to continue swimming because I’ve done it my whole life, and they’ve paid all this money for it.

141o

111o

Now I’m happy that I chose not to do it [keep swimming] because I’m way happier, and I have fun a lot, and I don’t have to, like, sacrifice my life to stupid swimming.

112a

119a

111a

 

 

 

 

 

 

Upsetting event. He was on a vacation with his grandmother, when she suddenly fell ill and died.

 

My grandma put a little nightlight in the bathroom. And I still don’t know, to this day, whether it was for her or for us. But she said she liked to have it because she didn’t know… She liked to be able to see in unfamiliar places.

117a

I remember being a little disappointed with her reaction just cause my mom would react in such a nice way, like "Thank you very much!" — but my grandmother was just like "Thank you, that was nice"

141a

141a

I was asking my parents [unintelligible word], What can I do? What can I do to help? Cause she wasn’t dead, she was in a coma or something.

442a

She was trying to keep up with the ambulance cause we didn’t know where the hospital was.

452o

 

 

Confusing event: going to a new high school, where he didn’t know anyone..

 

I felt like I was more like an outsider because I was, like, one out of the two people who were Asian at the school.

118a

[It was difficult going to a different school, where he didn’t have any friends.]

It was kinda hard again, because it put me back in that same spot, you know, and I’m going, I’m not 4 or 5 anymore, you know, I’m a Freshman in high school.

131a

 

 

 

 

She called home when she was 19 to have her sister tell her that her mom and dad were getting into a lot of fights. Parents told her they were thinking about splitting up.

 

[When she confirmed a suspicion that her dad did have an affair] I saw this woman riding down -- because his house was right above ours -- and I know she can’t drive, because she has epilepsy

131a

It really upset me that she [sister] wasn’t talking to him [dad] because I felt that he was at least trying to be honest

114a

And I think that’s part of the reason why Holly didn’t talk to my dad for so long was because my mom would say these horrible things, you know, about how he hurt her

241o

I was like, ‘Stop it!’ [to her sister who still was upset with her dad and didn’t talk to him] because once, I mean, my mom had kindof gotten over it and Holly was still not talking to dad.

442a

442a

 

 

 

 

He has been through some family rivalry. His dad had 5 brothers and was lucky enough to get to go to the university in America. He was a chief chemist at Lever 2000, but his brothers didn’t get those privileges.

 

At family meetings a traditional healer would be there...but my parents kind of kept us out of there because we were brought up with a Catholic background.

251o

My dad’s brothers are kind of like, etching my dad to bring all the kids [to the healing ceremony] cause like, I think for some of the blessings, all the kids in the extended family have to be there

422o

My parents told to avoid them [the cousins], but mainly my mom, you know, cause she has different beliefs

217o

 

 

 

 

It’s confusing for him to decide what he wants to do for the rest of his life. A part of him wants to do some things, and another part of him wants to do something totally unrelated.

 

[Listener, talking about med.-school] But then I thought, even if it is something that I could do, is it something that I want to do cause I can see how she’s stressing out over everything.

114a

 

 

 

 

 

 

During a movie in a theater, her boyfriend started going into a seizure.

 

I was really freaked out cause I had never seen anyone to have like a seizure

113a

Finally someone said something like, "Geez, what the hell is he on?" cause they thought he was doing drugs or something.

342o

[A bum was badly beaten up by a man] I saw the bum after he had gotten beat up, but a friend of mine had been there when it happened, and he said that 20 people watched for like 20 minutes, this guy was getting beating, and no one did anything cause everyone was like too scared of the guy [who was beating].

343o

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think probably when I’m done with school I’m gonna move to Atlanta {partner: To Atlanta? Why?} Umm, my brother lives there right now, and he’s about to get married, and the rest of my family loves pretty close, and I really like it there, I like it warmer

462a

442a

462a

462a

442a

His girlfriend left her car with him for some period of time. New Year’s day she said not to drive it, but he drove over to his father’s house with his sister.

 

I wanted to pick up a friend cause he was just at home doing nothing.

442a

(Someone backed into the car while he was out driving it.)

 

I called the police. They couldn’t make it cause it was New Year’s evening.

120o

(When the police came out the next day) they couldn’t take the report cause the car wasn’t there.

422o

 

 

 

 

Her husband was a Russian linguist. While he went to Russia, she went to see her family in Carolina. He decided to stay where he was and asked for a divorce.

 

I decided I was gonna go back to -- well, my mom was in North Carolina, so I was go gonna spend the summer with her and just see my family cause I hadn’t been around them for quite awhile.

452a

So I took all the money out of our account — cause it was a joint account — and I put it in an account in my name so that he can’t get into it.

422a

441a

[His parents] were really upset with him too, mostly, I think, because he had just called me and basically wanted me to stay with my parents and let them take care of me.

141o

144o

I went back and I put a lock on our storage so he couldn’t get into it cause we both had keys to it. I made it so that he had to talk to me.

441a

452a

 

 

 

 

 

 

[tape starts right here] because I was single and I worked full-time and, you know, so I worked and made all this money so I could back and, then ah- {partner: it’s all gone . . now}

411a

Her aunt died of pnuemonia at age 45.

 

I still have a hard time, I’ve only been to her grave once bec- I just -- it’s not that I don’t think about her, I think about her all the time, but it’s just really hard for me to accept that she’s gone.

212a

She went into the doctor’s office like 3 days before she went into the hospital because she was having chest pains.

412o

I feel bad because I feel like I should visit more often.

114a

There were several times I thought I saw her, cause she was just litle, she was about 5 ft, and she used to drive around in my uncle’s big, huge Ford truck, and I was in town one day and I saw this exact replica of the truck that they used to have and, there was a little tiny lady . . .

145a

141a

131a

113a

149a

I had to take a double take because it just looked so much like her.

145a

[The youngest daughter] was having a lot of problems, she started getting bulimic and I had to smack her around to snap her out of it, it’s just because right the point when she was starting to grow up, and then her mom’s gone . .

151a

He [her dad] is not sensitive to things that a growing girl needs, you know, and that’s not his fault, it’s just because it just takes a woman to understand those things

115o

 

 

 

 

 

 

A girlfriend’s uncle went to the hospital ‘cause he had HIV.

 

I mean none of their family really knew that he had HIV til then cause he got really sick that time.

142o

He went back to the hospital cause he got worse

412o

[partner] I didn’t see my aunt in the hospital. My mom didn’t want us to go because she had gone up to see her a couple days before she died. They didn’t want the kids to go up.

111o

[partner] I’m glad that I didn’t [go up] because I remember her how she was, and I don’t picture her laying in the bed with tubes and needles, you know, going in and out of her...

113a

114a

I just feel bad cause I didn’t really know him that well.

114a

I just wish we would have [visited] more, got to know him better cause like before his... person he was living with didn’t really... her family like had these family get togethers all the time cause they had quite a few aunt and uncles in the family... and they didn’t really recognize him as being part of the family as much until afterwards.

251o

[partner] They had to shave [Grandpa’s] head because his hair was falling out.

442o

[partner] It was really hard to see him that way because he was so pale and so weak.

145a

[partner] Her grandpa had to have surgery to have cancer removed. And it’s really hard because he’s really stubborn. And I feel bad because I don’t call as often as I should.

111a

 

 

 

 

 

 

Visiting girlfriend and parents while drunk

 

[partner] She [ex-girlfriend] had a good reason to clean up the house because of her parents.

440o

 

 

Father lost use of hand in accident.

 

My head sunk ‘cause that’s the hand right handers play they’re guitar, they fret with that hand, it’s the crucial hand.

114a

The next morning I rode the school bus which I hadn’t ridden in a long time, cause in town we lived right by the school.

270a

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friend’s mother accused her of changing best friend’s grades for the worse.

 

Her parents started getting really upset too cause they started noticing (that I was spending more time with a different girl).

113o

I was going crazy cause...we were still like best friends.

151a

[partner] She didn’t come to school til like two weeks late cause she was in Disneyland.

131a

 

 

 

 

Friends got mad; thought she faked an injury.

 

These people across the street threatened to call the cops if we didn’t be quiet cause we were like yelling and joking and stuff.

442o

I was gonna go to the doctor cause I was in such pain.

412a

It really upset me because it escalated into this whole big ol’ thing.

120a

I was completely by myself, I mean except for like the guys, but I was like so upset because I mean you do need the girls there even though you have, I had a lot guy friends.

114a

[ Friends threw her ring at her] [partner- Just because you hurt your leg?] Yeah

114a

I was really hurt because then you start like analyzing yourself.

114a

It turned into where they all thought I was favored because my dad taught in the district.

148o

It was really upsetting, I’d cry..every night cause they’d say such hurtful things.

141a

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The conversation did not get recorded because the pause button was on.

 

 

 

Problems with boyfriend.

 

I got mad at him [boyfriend] one day because, I guess he was just friends with this girl, but he tried to hide it from me.

141a

I kind of wanted to break up with him, but I thought, no, I’ll just wait [ . . . ]... and see how I feel once I’m here, you know cause if things weren’t going good I didn’t really wanna, you know, have to worry about him at home and everything.

311a

So I broke up with Neil because I said, you know, I can’t have a relationship with you if I don’t know if I want to be with you.

412a

It just like really upset me because he should have told me then [that he slept with someone else] and I would have been a lot more understanding.

151a

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parents dropped her off at a group home when she was 13.

 

[partner- Why didn’t they like send you to a regular boarding school like right away?] Cause I think at the time they felt that what they were doing was right.

312o

[partner- I don’t understand why they didn’t talk to you about it first] I think cause they didn’t want me to resist them, you know... maybe.

341o

I was also kind of confused because my, the people who were at that school were very...liberal... not like my parents at all.

145a

I was kind of confused because my parents were always much more conservative.

145a

 

 

 

 

Problems with drugs and panic attacks when he was 13.

 

[He had a panic attack.] I didn’t want to tell her [my mom] why [I needed to sit] because I thought it was because of the drugs. I thought it was because I was doing too much drugs or something.

114a

That was the worst [panic attack] because the other ones had been induced because I did drugs and that one just hit me.

111a

112a

That whole thing was really upsetting, the whole experience because for a long time I thought I was, you know, not normal because I had to take medication for something in my head.

114a

114a

When I told her about the panic attacks, that’s when she started to think that maybe I had chemical depression since it had been in my family

145o

 

 

 

 

Death of Jerry Garcia.

 

Sitting in the front row, I was so excited cause Jerry Garcia was just sitting right in front of me.

15 o

I just have so many fond memories and it’s like I’m so bummed out that like it’s all over because like I’m young and I didn’t get to see as many shows.

115a

111a

 

 

Parents divorce/ living with dad.

 

It was confusing because you have to go through... I mean not just... there’s like a custody battle,/ you know, and I ended up living with my dad,/ and it seemed like every four years I’d move. /There was a lot of moving going on. I’d always new schools and...

120a

151a

111a

131a

[partner- So when you’re young and it’s hard, I can see that cause you don’t understand what the heck’s going on.]

114o

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can’t tell if a girl likes him or not.

 

 

 

Truck got caught in water.

 

One of our friends like threw up while we were doing it [paddle boating] cause he was kind of sick.

112o

 

 

 

 

 

 

Relationship with friends is confusing.

 

{Partner: Why would she do such a cynical and evil thing? [referring to an intentional act of deception]} I don’t know. I think... I think she’s very insecure, especially with friendship relationships, and she’s always had to be the center of attention.

215o

217o

{Partner: It’s kind of a real mix, but I kind of like it because, I mean, you get everyone who’s the same and you really don’t get any variety. But if you got friends who are doing different things, you end up doing different things.}

114a

114a

 

 

Father’s decision to take a job in New York was upsetting.

 

It was upsetting to me that he would do that [take the job in NY] to our family, just because um, they-wwe spent so much time to adjust there and really, really like it.

151a

154a

Part of the reason he decided to take the job is because it would make more money and just -there’s a few reasons.

422o

{partner- So I can understand how your mom wouldn’t want to move} exactly, cause she’s real close with her sister and her parents.

151o

 

 

 

 

Exchange to Australia was confusing.

 

Surfing was hard [ . . . ]... it might have just been because the waves were really huge and stuff, cause [ . . . ]... I could’t even get out past the break.

120a

They make me send them stuff like Gap clothes or whatever that they can’t get down there and Big Red.. just all kinds of stuff... Ranch dressing, I brought some ranch with me when I went down there, and they were pretty impressed by that. {Partner : Wow! Of all things! Ranch dressing?} Yeah, cause I had heard that they didn’t have it down there, so I stocked a couple of the big jugs in my backpack.

342

I ran out of money cause I started spending it real crazy towards the end when I was trying to travel around.

111a

 

 

 

 

Tree hit house in wind storm.

 

My mom came home from work cause they closed schools

442o

First thing I did was grabbed my mom, you know, pulled her away cause she wanted to walk over there

442a

Well I had to run around and blow out the lamps cause we had fire everywhere.

422a

I was still kind of angry and wanted to get my parents away from the house cause the gale was still going full force

120a

 

 

 

 

Girl called him up wanting to kill herself.

 

All she said was she wanted to kill herself because some guy she liked [ . . . ]... wouldn’t pay any attention to her at all.

143a

141a

The only reason while she called me was because a friend had left my number or something sitting on her desk and that’s the only person she could think of to call.

241o

342o

And I feel bad, you know, cause, you know, I never met this person afterward

15 a

{Partner: "Maybe she just wanted to talk to you, kind of."} Well yeah, maybe that was her way of talking of calling me cause she didn’t have the guts, but I don’t know.

[Maybe she only pretended to be thinking of committing suicide so that she would have an excuse to call him.]

212o

It was confusing because that was the first time I ever realized that, you know, it had affected me so much

114a

It was confusing cause... for three hours I talked to someone I had no idea who she was

15 a

114a

[partner- Couldn’t you like go get your mom or something?] Well no actually, cause I didn’t want to get off the phone with her

351a

 

 

 

 

Friend with anorexia.

 

[partner- Didn’t it seem strange to you to get up at twelve or one in morning to go running] No, because when we were that young we used to, you know, get up and go TP or egg somebody’s house, but she’d just want to get and go running.

151a

I never told her mom, you know, that she wasn’t eating or anything cause I, you know, she was my friend I didn’t want to rat her out or something.

452a

311a

I didn’t think it was a big deal cause I threw my lunches away too sometimes when my mom made something gross to eat

111a

Why bring it up or ask if she’s doing okay or whatever cause I didn’t give it a second thought

114a

I was excited cause I was moving up into seventh grade, I was going to be in the same school again

114a

Her mom put her in the hospital [ . . . ]... because she was getting so skinny

442o

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mother caught on fire while on tranquilizers.

 

And I said "Excuse me, my mom’s on fire." Everybody laughs about that now, cause it sounds so odd to, like, say "Excuse me."

131o

When the medical people came by she was all ... telling what to do cause she was in panic too

212o

I don’t know [how sedated she was] cause I was just a little kid that I don’t know how much the drugs could affected the fact that she caught on fire.

115a

114a

It seemed a little longer [that mom was in the hospital] cause I was in kids’ time, you know

115a

That was kind of hard too, cause my parents were having marriaged problems

140a

[partner- I didn’t stay there because watching her [a choking friend] freaked me out

353a

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mother attempted to commit suicide.

 

I’m gonna talk about the day my Mom tried to kill herself ‘cause it’s very confusing

422a

And I was going out with a guy at South, cause Jennie was at South and I went to a football game there, and I met him, and I was like, ‘Okay, we’ll go out’

248a

23 a

251a

[her Mom went out with motorcycles] It was really weird, but it was kinda normal cause I didn’t know that it wasn’t supposed to be like that

114a

Like she put on a perfume so she’d be like attractive when he came

411o

[partner: Do you feel like you know why, still?] Yeah, cause we talked about it. [...] She couldn’t see that life could get any better, and she thought that she was only hurting us by being around, cause she was pretty messed up, and she would just cry a lot and stuff

151a

332o

352o

215o

211o

I started crying on the way to the hospital cause I was like, ‘Wow, she really did it,’ and everybody was real serious

114a

141a

I just remember feeling---scared, and then, really kind of angry, for just briefly, because ‘why would she do this to me,’ and, you know, like, this doesn’t make sense,’ ‘why’d my mom wanna just leave’

114a

114a

114a

I felt really numb, I just sat there and read a magazine, I didn’t like talk to any of my family, cause I didn’t wanna like, show, I just wanted to just

311a

 

 

 

 

 

 

Confusing events with a supervisor in a clothing store.

 

Shana, the supervisor came up to me and said, ‘What is this doing back here, why do you have this coat back here,’ and I said, ‘because this woman wants this coat really bad but she hasn’t made up her mind, and she wants me to hold it for her.’

442a

442a

442a

[Shana always talked about people behind their back] First it was my fellow employee Jean, and she didn’t like him cause she thought that he had a bad attitude

114o

At first I thought she really liked me because she, you know, told me what a good job I was doing...

141a

and he [another supervisor] sometimes gave me a hard time too, which--I just, I wanted to know because I thought I did everything right and I tried really hard, I wanted to know why she just didn’t really approach me and tell what I was doing wrong overall

114a

111a

One time I wrote a, like a little short story, and I left it, you know, cause I was going to school at the same time, and I left it in the back, and she found it and read it...

211a

 

 

A friend’s brother died.

 

The first time I went in there [their house] it was, since I didn’t really know all the details, it was almost like I wanted to ask, just so I’d know what had happened and if it happened in the kitchen or in the living room or where it happened, because then I could avoid that room, I guess, I don’t know, it was--it was really weird

117a

114a

114a

My dad and Ron, Heidi’s dad, talked about it once, and Ron just said that he was really, he felt really guilty cause he wasn’t there that day, and that has changed his relationship with his wife and Heidi both because they both blame him for not being there.

131a

[partner: they moved soon after that, didn’t they?] yeah, pretty soon, cause none of them liked to be there in the house, really

333o

 

 

at first it was really weird cause---I felt like people expected me to---to be there for her

114a

She [Heidi] told me that it was really depressing for her to be at home cause her parents are really depressed and all she did there was sit there and stare at the wall, so she decided to go back to school..

142a

111a

I remember my parents asking me if I knew why he done it, and I found that to be really confusing, as to why I would know why he had done it [partner: yeah], or why I thought he had done it. [partner: were they asking if it was an accident or if he, like, really shot himself on purpose?] Both I think, I mean, I think they were asking that, but I also think they were just asking why he would go in and pick up a gun and do whatever he was doing, cause supposedly they think he was trying to show, he was gonna show them some trick that he knew how to do; but nobody really understands that because he ended up shooting his stomach

141o

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grandfather died and nobody told her.

 

 

 

 

 

Crisis in family, moving from Canada to LA.

 

So he, like, grabs his sleeping bag, cause he-it was already unpacked, so graps his sleeping bag

220o

I was kinda excited just because like-the whole excitement of something’s happening in two weeks that I didn’t know was gonna happen . . and so, um, I like, um, but it was still, it was horrible, cause like, things were — like they were fighting so much

114a

141a

I didn’t wanna like decorate the christmas tree, I didn’t wanna have any fun, I didn’t wanna open any presents or anything, just cause they weren’t--they were acting towards each other, and they weren’t being real or anything [uh-uh]

141a

I totally remember, like, sitting on the sleeping bag at the top of the stairs cause... so he wouldn’t take it. Like he wouldn’t leave without his sleeping bag. Whatever!

441a

But we came back, but it was hard because like I was excited to be back in LA, but like, things still weren’t great

114a

120a

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was confusing that his mom got a perm when he was a preschooler [male friend pair; not serious]

 

I’ve actually been afraid of getting my own hair cut ‘cause I don’t recognize myself

114a

 

 

 

 

[starts 064] Upsetting because counselor yelled at him and other kids

 

[Day camp] . . and we go down the river and they tell us not to throw rocks in the river ‘cause then we’d fill up the river

462o

So I go this is retarted, this is my backyard, I come here every day, and -- ‘cause it’s right near the house --

220a

++and I didn’t know what to do because--cause, you know, I was told to go for the fire drill and yet she was mad at me for doing this

116a

142a

And I was thinking, you know, maybe I should just run home to my backyard, but I didn’t cause I was too scared to do that

313a

[Talk about boring experiments and tests] You know, those CAT tests, I always stopped about 6 questions before the end {p: Why? What do you mean you stopped? you mean, you just stopped doing it?} Yeah, I just like left about 6 questions {p: oh, unanswered} blank, cause everybody else would be like done . . .

442a

 

 

 

 

[starts 137] Upsetting because she and her friend almost drowned swimming in a river

 

She couldn’t hold on because it was so strong

120o

It was soo scary, you know, but it was like a trip ‘cause I wasn’t like, thinking, about like my breathing or anything

114a

I guess everybody was just freaking out while we were underneath cause they didn’t know where we were

114o

And we went and told my coach, and he just like laughed, [laughs] cause he’s so mean [laughs], no that’s just the way he is [laughs]

115o

115o

And I haven’t been in the rivers since ‘cause they scare me

323a

 

 

 

 

[starts 208] Confusing because they saw a potential UFO and sap in the trees

 

 

 

 

 

[starts 308] Confusing because father had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and it changed him

 

[Dad got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome] It was just really hard, cause when you have Chronic Fatigue, you feel like you have the flu everyday for three years

115o

All you wann do is lie in bed . . . and it was just really hard [for him] because that’s not his life style at all

115o

[His personality had totally changed] and it was totally confusing to me cause I was like, have to deal with him yelling for no reason, and my mom would be like ‘You know, it’s just ‘cause of his illness"

15 a

115o r

[dad treated mom like shit too] And she just had to sit there and deal with it too, ‘cause she knew that it was just ‘cause he was sick

342o

I remember the first day he got out of bed, and like, he just went for a walk, ‘cause that’s all he could do

412o

The only way for him to ever get rid of it is probably for him to quit his [stressful] job, and he couldn’t ‘cause that’s what our money was coming from

472o

Everyday he would go out on his bike because it made him feel better and better and better

412o

{p: [Has been working a lot] My body just can’t handle it; like I feel it physically in me because I’m spending so much time towards someone else or something else other than myself

111a

Pair Twenty Four

 

 

 

It was upsetting that her mom was getting a new boyfriend.

 

It really made...like I was so pissed off because me and my mom used to be so close.

151a

(partner: Well it’s so hard cause after all that time that you guys have been so close and then all of a sudden this person is telling you that you don’t respect your mom.)

151o

141o

But I...the reason that they got together is just because like my mom got divorced like a year before that so they were both desperate.

211o

212o

I have nothing to talk to him about just because I can’t relate to the guy at all.

114a

So it was really upsetting. I did. I cried for a long time. Like after that fight, cause he, I don’t even know him. I’ve never talked to him before, and came in my room totally confrontational.

[There is nothing in the preceding conversation to which the phrase "I did" might refer.]

114a

15 a

141a

 

 

Pair Twenty-Six

 

 

 

Losing bowling tournament.

 

I was so nervous just because I’d never won a match before in that tournament.

111a

I was really ashamed you know cause that’s really inexcusable as far as I’m concerned.

117a

And I was like, ‘yeah, good luck with your next match’, you know, and stuff like that just cause that’s the nice thing to do.

422a

My dad, I forgot exactly what he said, but I promised myself I would never forget it just because it was so upsetting.

452a

I told him that, you know, I’m glad you did say something even though I didn’t take it the right way just because it’s better than saying nothing.

114a

But that was particularly upsetting just because it was really sad just the way I lost. Cause then before I’d lose and it was close at least. Or they totally blew me away and I didn’t really bet. Cause I’d rather lose by a million pins than just one or two or have it come down to six pins and only get three. I mean it’s only a game now to me, but it’s kind of like I was good at that, and I want to be good. {partner: you are good.} Yeah. Just at that time, it was even more so- cause I was better then.

111a

131a

141a

111a

117a

115a

Walking to mom’s store, being offered a ride by a stranger with a note from mom.

 

I called my mom and I was sad cause I was at home, I think by myself.

131a

I was kinda scared cause I was little and there was a lot of other people, you know, wondering what I was doing wandering the street by myself.

115a

144a

It took me a long time [to walk to the store] because it was really cold and my feet were all wet.

120a

112a

That was confusing to me because I don’t know, I was so little and because it happened before.

115a

120a

I guess I was scared because of that [the situation happening before].

120a

She (mom) understood [why subject didn’t get in car with mom’s friend] because, you know, I’ve been taught by Officer Friendly not to take rides from strangers.

114o

{Partner: Was your dad there at the time too?} I don’t remember. I just remember my mom cause she wrote the note.

141a

(partner: so when you first got there he was following you through the store and everything?) No, because he had to park his car.

412o

I’m kind of glad that I didn’t [get into the car] because it showed that I know I’m not just going to get into a car with any ‘ol stranger who has something to show me.

114a

 

 

Pair Twenty-Seven

 

 

 

Confusing chilhood memories of her mom.

 

And that was when I was five years old because my Aunt Shirley tried putting me in kindergarten and I was like ‘No way am I going to do this’ because everybody took naps.

442a

And then, I guess, that she like came back to the house one night crying because he had like gone out and gotten drunk.

141o

So I think she was having an affair. {Partner: And didn’t your dad say that she was?} Yeah, but I didn’t want to believe him, cause he was saying that... {Partner: Was this like something that came into your mind when you were like...}

141a

I was so mad at Rene cause she never came and helped my mom, you know, like how she was so mean to her and stuff.

141a

141a

My dad said that she still has a lot of anger because when Rene was... OK, when they... cause the reason they got divorced is because Rene and Monty and my Grandpa and my Mom went down there, and that’s when she started having an affair, and this was after she was going to church... [end of tape]

140o

250o

442o

 

 

 

 

Dad’s drug problems were upsetting.

 

He’d get really upset [when subject and sibling would hide dad’s tobacco] because he didn’t think it was funny.

114o

The tabacco and stuff was making him mad at the world because it’s a drug.

120o

Then he’d start getting marijuana because he said it relaxes him.

322o

That upsets me so much [dad doing drugs] because when I was a little kid I knew that, you know, how bad drugs are for you.

117a

And it was really cool [that her dad wanted to go on a hike with her] cause I like...it’s hard for me to spend time with my dad because he like always talked like low about himself.

145a

We went to this place where he made..um..where he used to do work up there, and cause he used to be on a trail crew.

218o

He’s like tired[on the hike] Really really upset me cause it’s just like my dad used to be Super Dad.

145a

I don’t know what I was looking for [in the car] something I don’t know, cause we’re about to leave or whatever..

452a

And I looked in this pack and got out this little bandaide case in this pack or something like that, cause I thought it would have something that I needed in it.

332a

I told my mom about it [finding dad’s marijuana] cause I was upset and I was scared kind of.

212a

212a

 

 

Pair Twenty-Eight

 

 

 

Telling her parents about her eating disorder was upsetting.

 

I was really down cause it was in the middle of my junior year [I was really busy]

120a

They let me leave early [from work] cause I didn’t feel good.

442o

I didn’t think I could drive like I was afraid that I was going to wreck my car or something. Yeah, cause I couldn’t concentrate on the road or anything.

114a

I didn’t want to tell him [a friend] what was going on cause I didn’t want him to worry and I didn’t want him to say anything to anyone else.

341a

341a

And I was like having a hard time like standing up cause my legs were really weak and stuff.

112a

And then I said that like I needed to go home cause otherwise he’s going to keep asking me all these questions.

442a

And I stood up like rally fast cause I wanted to leave.

311a

He’s driving me back to my house and I’m just like ‘Oh my god,’ you know, cause first of all..he’s not supposed to be driving my car.

151a

[Mom saying]’Bobbi Jo, you never eat here’ because like I’d go to school early in the mornings and [wouldn’t eat breakfast].

241o

Before I know it, cause he [Chuck] only lived a couple blocks away and he was at our house in a flash.

660o

He was like ‘you know, we’re really concerned about you. A lot of people have noticed this’ cause he goes to our church, and he’s like ‘People have said things within the church’

211o

‘I’ll start eating, it’s fine’ because ..um..I just really really did not see it as being that [an eating disorder].

312a

[In the hospital, doctors tell her she has an eating disorder] And I was like, ‘I’m not telling them [parents], I don’t believe you, I don’t think that’s what it is,’ ‘n’, really upset because this whole thing had gone--like the night before I was coming home from work [the parents had a suspicion], and all of the sudden I’m in some hospital with people telling me, ‘You might have to stay here.’

120a

131a

141a

 

 

Not playing in a softball tournament was confusing.

 

Yeah, I think that’s when it changed into the Dreams [a softball team] because they kicked Carabines (the coach) off because Sarah wasn’t good enough to play third base...[and] cause he put her there in state the year before and they blamed it [the loss] on her.

442o

442o

214

And it was the first year when they brought Doug Thompson in because, I’m assuming that he will be the head coach of Forest Grove when Ron Thompson retires.

442o

They started that [the softball team] our eighth grade year so that when we got into high school it would be natural for him to coach also with his dad.

441o

Ron was just kinda observing because we were all going to be in high school. So he went to all the tournaments that summer, and just watched us.

442o

My parents were still there trying to save for college cause they knew it was a year, no I guess it wasn’t, it was four years away.

322o

I felt like they didn’t like me anymore, or what did I do? Do I suck that bad? Cause they were putting people in that were a lot worse than me.

141a

I asked Jamie and Vally cause they know everything. Their parents always talk about all the players bad, you know. Which isn’t good because they’re the ones who decide.

442a

I have to do the whole thing with dinner again, and go into the pool with all those daughters who are there playing cause their dads are the coaches.

648o

And they take Jamie out because she’s (partner: How many innings are there?) Seven. They take, it’s okay. So there’s two innings left and they take Jamie out because we’re losing anyway.

452o

Well, I mean, they didn’t put me in cause I don’t pitch.

442o

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grandmother died.

 

My dad wasn’t there and I didn’t know why cause it was like my dad’s mom.

148a

After that, my parents said I was never going to another funeral again because it was just, it was a terrible experience.

442o

And then after that my family was like your never going to another funeral cause it just, it ruined me.

442o

I think Todd’s funeral hit me a lot harder than that one just because I was older and cause I understood death a lot more, and cause he was my friend and he was our age.

115a

117a

15 a

145a

But I mean she was cool to me cause she was like, I was her, you know, I was her granddaughter and she wanted the best for me and everything.

251o

341o

And like I was always there alone, cause like my parents would go out and do stuff.

141a

And like he didn’t go away to college because of her.

440o

And like that’s why he fucked up so much in the beginning at college, just cause he like, she didn’t want him to go away.

144o

And that’s like why he went to like, to Butler, is cause like it was really close to their home.

422o

 

 

 

 

Going to a new school.

 

you are surrounded by people who are just like these people who define the school, like, these are the people that you wanna hang out with, and it’s like — I wanted to hang out with them just because of that, but it totally went against like everything that I thought.

148a

(partner: I think I still feel like that [having an identity crisis] from like, just from going there [private junior high] because I know in elementary school, you know, you just have friends and it’s easy.)

120a

(partner: I didn’t want to do it, but it just seemed natural [following what others did] because everybody else was doing that kind of thing.)

141a

 

 

 

 

 

 

Waiting for her boyfriend to come home.

 

[Talking to her boyfriend about why he was late] ‘Well, why couldn’t you just leave. right? You know, and he goes ‘well, because like my mom had to bake food and dadadadadadada’

442a

[her boyfriend got to play in the game after she left] And I was kinda like Oh Shit, cause I left, right?

111a

But I guess I was just confused because I was mad at him. But I just thought [he was late] cause he was dilly dallying cause he had a pot luck after.

112a

(partner: But why did you have to leave?} Because that was the time when, it was like Saturday and I was coming back on Sunday, right? [she was there just for Thanksgiving] {p: Yeah, so you just wanted to pack} Yeah, I had to pack, and I had to get ready, so during that night we could go out, {p: oh!} so I wouldn’t have to spend my whole night packing {p: ya, ahah}

422a

412a

311o

412a

412a

451a

411a

And my mom wasn’t home, so I couldn’t like go anywhere, cause my grandpa had the car, and then my mom had her car.

160a

160a

 

 

 

 

Dad about to lose his job.

 

She’s [mom] like stressing out I guess cause she says that my dad is giving her a hard time {p: but why?}. ++

141o

++cause they -- like my dad is like, cause heee, like, he’s afraid he’s going to lose his job cause they just hired like a whole bunch of people and put them above him. Cause he’s like General Sales Manager, right?[and should be higher up than the new ones]

214o

141o

118o

[Dad is thinking of starting his own business] Cause before he was running his own business, right?

111o

But he hasn’t like looked into it [finding a new job] or anything, cause he like, he likes what he’s doing now.

313o

He’s just kind of keeping it to himself, cause he doesn’t know what to do, cause he does like all the paperwork for them and everything.

412o

211o

He thinks that, well, you know, my grandma passed away. He thinks that, he’s blaming himself for it. (partner: Why?) Cause, Cause you know Chinese, right? They believe that, I guess, when you get like life insurance, and, you know, like that kind of stuff, then that’s like bad luck.

117o

And, my dad, he’s like blaming himself cause he thought it was good to sign her up on that

114o

She [her mom] wants me to get a good education so that I can support them when, ya know. Support my family when I can.

117o

It’s hard because I don’t know what to do. [Partner: It’s a sacrifice either way] Yeah.

114a

I was asking for help on taxes and finacial aid [from a friend’s mom]... cause she already does really know what’s going on.

442a

The [subject’s] mom was saying, "well, it’s kind of late already, isn’t it?"[to be doing taxes and financial aid] cause you know the mom.; she’s so punctual, and she does everything so early.

215o

215o

[30.2 cut off, next begins]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Parents’ divorce.

 

Unsure who is speaking. Very muddled) [after they had moved to california, after the divorce] [Partner: My mom was so mad at me.] Why? [cause you came and, you know my mom. My mom’s a little crazy.

141o

115o

It wasn’t as weird, my mom getting married to Walt (after the divorce), cause I was like, with mom all the time.

151a

But then like I was in fort collins at the time my dad got engaged, like I was a couple hours away, and so like he gets all "oh, yeah, I’m getting engaged. I’m getting married to nurse penny." And I was like "Nurse Penny? What?" cause like she’d been my school nurse for ever, and I didn’t even know they were dating.... And then there was like this step sister, and step brother factor that I love a lot, and...yeah.

151a

114a

114a

 

 

 

 

Parent’s got in a fight.

 

They (parents) used to fight, a lot, cause they have two children that are less than normal, [Partner: oh really?] and only one to make up for it.

245o

[Partner: Do they fight a lot, or like...] Right now? [Partner: Like when they fight.. cause I can never tell if it’s like bad fights, you know, because your dad like...] He’ll like turn it on and off? [Partner: Yeah] He does that.

140a

141o

 

 

 

 

Pair Thirty-Two

 

 

 

Didn’t know if her brother was gay or not.

 

For the longest time I didn’t know if he (her brother) was gay or not, because you know, he’s just so different from other people in my family, and no one really knew because he never told anybody.

145a

I did my senior research paper in high school because it was just interesting to me because I didn’t know about my brother....

323a

214a

Over christmas he told me that he was gay and he didn’t tell anyone else because he’s shy.

215o

I was confused if he was (gay) or not, and then now that I know that he is I just don’t know what to do about it because I’m the only one that knows, and he has this huge desire to tell his family and he can’t bring himself to do it....

114a

144a

I’ve tried calling him before, and he like now he’s like affraid to talk to me because he probably thinks I don’t like him because I know.

114o

 

 

Pair Thirty-Three

 

 

 

She (her grandma) called me up because I didn’t send something to sister ??.

442o

So she calls me up to tell me that I’m a bad person because I haven’t sent her a thank you note because she sent me a picture for graduation or something.

442o

She was talking about how she was crying in the (car) dealership for like the entire time she was in there, and she was in there for hours, cause this is my grandmother, and I’m sure she was in there for hours. She was crying because she couldn’t get the right color car, and cause the apolstry (sp) inside was too light and would get dirty.

131o

131o

That wasn’t a problem (the color of the car) any more, she decided, because grandpa was dead, and he was the one that was anal retentive about the car.

442o

442o

It just made me angry (that her grandmother was so upset) because she was so bad to him while he was alive. She was just so mean.... She bossed him around, and bossed all the kids. She was constantly screaming....

141a

I’m just amazed because he just got pushed around by her his entire life, and now she is just like "I’m really sad that he’s dead." and stuff, and it just seems kind of insane to me that she’s... I mean, it seems like she could have treated him a little bit nicer while he was alive.

115a

112a

But this upset me because I just wanted to slap my grandmother and yell "Look,..."... Because I know that my entire family is taking care of her.

114a

I don’t even know if she is genuinely still greiving. I think she’s just like feeding off of it, and just like that’s her new thing to do, cause she has nothing else to do, cause all the kids are grown, and I don’t know.

131o

145o

 

 

 

 

The two weeks before I came here I couldn’t leave the house. Like I could leave for work. I could drive to work. Actually, no, I couldn’t drive. I had to run to work and run back and uh, cause they, my parents were like afraid that I’d do something that would further make this worse , ya know.

244a

I guess they got to be really good friends (his friend and his ex-girlfriend) like over the season, cause her parents ... I guess like on road trips and stuff cause she was like went in to a couple with him, and like her mom wouldn’t let her talk to any body cause you know, bad situation, I don’t know.

220o

I went over to her dad’s house right, because her mom was like (got cut off by partner)

442a

So I went over to her dad’s house cause her dad wanted to talk to me, and he was just like "yeah, well you know, she’s not exactly normal. She’s (Barb, ex-girlfriends mom) got a couple problems."

442a

Brian had to like hold her back (ex-girlfriend’s mom) cause she was like trying to come at me.

442o

 

 

Last summer it was like really intense and they were really putting a lot of pressure on him and my parents were like..[Partner: How are they putting pressure on him?] By putting a lot of criticism on him and trying to say well we need to do something about this and they need to be done cause they attribute the people leaving the church to my dad.

342o

they’d come home and it would like really upset my mom cause ya know, she and my dad are really close, and so if it is upsetting to him, it is upsetting to her too.

151o

Then she talked to me about it because she couldn’t talk to anyone about it. The church.

412o

Maybe god didn’t want them to say anything because it was in gods plan for them to leave, you know.

341o

[Partner: So it is a matter of faith then. Essentially. And them respecting that. But it’s still frustrating from your side because you you hold animosity towards those people.]

114o

That’s why it was so confusing for me is cause if it was me I couldn’t have just sat there and been like "oh, yeah, I, I see your point" or whatever when I knew I was not, not in the wrong.

114a

 

 

...having her come in and tell me that she was leaving. I couldn’t understand why my mom was telling me she was leaving cause as far as I knew, everyting was fine. I just started liking my stepfather after five years. I’d finally gotten used to this guy.

114a

I got really, really upset, and I wasn’t fully comprehending what she was saying because she tried to explain to me that she needed her space. She needed time away from Ron and the relationship, and at 12 years old I really couldn’t understand it very well.

141a

I wanted to leave early (to go live with her dad for the summer as was normal) because it was, the stress of the situation was really bothering me.

131a

I stayed at the house [Partner: With Ron?] Uh, huh. I stayed there because for all I knew, it was my mom that was upset. Or that was acting irrationally, and I couldn’t understand, and Ron and I were spending a lot of time together at that point, and I was really unsure of the situation...

342a

452a

322a

It was really frustrating because as a child I didn’t want to believe these things about my mother (that she was drinking and using drugs), but I couldn’t understand why my family was being pulled apart.

114a

114a

(it) Parallels the situation with my brother right now, and him acting defiantly towards my mom Because he’s got someone feeding him this information that he is attributing to my mom weighing down on him, or putting pressure on him.

241o

214o

 

 

My mom didn’t want it happening. And she asked me how I felt about it, but it is really difficult for my mom because she doesn’t ever want to deprive the children of their father, even though she can’t stand him, and even though she can’t stand him and that his parenting abilities are not sufficient, in her respect.

114o

Sometimes he’d break in and put gifts all around the house, because for a long time he was torn between realizing he couldn’t like her because he still loved her, or realizing that he couldn’t like her because he hated what she’d one.

212o